One of My Favorite Memories

One of My Favorite Memories
My daughter,Amy...My husband,Craig & Me in Boston

I "HEART" YOU!!!!!!!

I "HEART" YOU!!!!!!!
"Don't Waste Time hating those who hate you! Instead Spend Time loving Those Who Love You!

Please Be Gentle

Please Be Gentle
I Have RSD/CRPS..Please Be Gentle..

OH The Magic And The Memories

OH The Magic And The Memories
I Love My Family So Much!

My Forever Love

My Forever Love
My Prince Finally Came!!!!

OMG!

OMG!
Oh My Goodness!!! Look At That!

We Are All Together

We Are All Together
Now...Life Is Good Again!

Friday, February 25, 2011

RSD and me













 



this is one of my RSD /CRPS videos that I made and the other one is below....I hope  you will take the time to watch them...thank you... xo

  Hello all,
Just wanted to let you in on my little fact about myself. I do love blogging, writing and taking pictures of my family. I love all of that. But I was hurt in a car accident about 9 yrs ago. I wanted to share a couple of videos with you that I've made about my illness/disease called RSD/CRPS. You can also go to www.rsdhope.org and find out alot more information about this rare , not well known most painful Neurological condition. Please find out more, if not for me, then for your self, for your own knowledge. Thank you so much...as I am a "Mentor" for RSD people who are new with the disease. I try to help them through the hard times when things are new and confusing. Also, I have been doing a support group on facebook called "invisible diseases especially chronic pain and RSD/CRPS" . You can just put that in the search box on facebook and my group will show up. You can join if you would like to. You do not have to have RSD/CRPS to join the support group because it is also for the : education, awareness and support of this painful rare Neurological disease. Thank you so much for watching...suzannne
my feet with RSD/CRPS right worse than left


now the RSD is in my eyes too



very purple flared up RSD foot




two feet with RSD, swollen and hot and discolored and in pain



blue /swollen hand from RSD flare

eyes in an RSD /CRPS flare and yes these are all pix of me!

my knees in RSD flare..swollen and discolored


My worse of the two RSD feet ...blue, swollen, Red Hot ..on Fire!

Bright RED/BLuish RSD in both feet along with Ulcers and PHO Cellulitis

RSD foot swollen under table in Summer time..hurts sooo badly

very red/blue/swollen very RSD knee!!


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My Husband, My love, My Best Friend...Finally Forever!






True Love Almost Never Happens...but it Happened to Me...to US!

Hello Bloggee's,
Well...I had a mishap and I'm not so happy about it. I had written this beautiful "Love Story" about how my husband and I met and all of the lovely, cute little stories surrounding it and suddenly "POOF"---it was gone~ Yes...ALL GONE in the blink of an eye~ What is it with this new laptop of mine? I spend so much time writing (you'd think I'd realize by now that I should actually "save" stuff every now and then before it "poof's" out on me!) and then to have it suddenly disappear before my very eyes, is very disheartening to say the least. So here I am, once again  braving the computer world to tell my story of love, romance and my soul-mate, Craig M. Stewart!
    It was 1996 and my daughter Jessica was in a horrible state because she had who she considered to be the "mean" teacher of 4th grade and none of her friends were in that class. I didn't tell her at that point that I had actually requested that specific teacher because the PTO moms told me she was the best "fit" for my daughter. I didn't know any different so I wanted what was best, right? WRONG! It backfired greatly as the first 6 weeks of 4th grade, Jessica cried and cried and hated going to school for the first time ever! I went to the principal and asked if she could be moved to "Mr. Stewart's" class because it would be a better fit for her and because she was not happy. The principal said that she didn't have any openings for any more children in his class but if it changed in the near future, she would let me know. So guess what this "loving" mother did? Yup...I ran down the hallway after school yelling out "Mr. Stewart!! Mr. Stewart!!  At a teacher, a man that I didn't know and I was looking like one of "those" mothers, I'm sure!!!
     I got Mr. Stewart to stop as he was walking to his car and I asked him if by any chance, could my daughter, Jessica be moved into his classroom? I told him that the principal had said he didn't have any room in his class for another child, but I wanted to double check with him anways. He told me that I was actually "in luck" because a student was moving to India at the end of the week and then he would have a spot for my daughter.  Jessica and I were so excited and eccstatic!  Mr. Stewart went to speak with the principal and by the next week, my Jessy was happy in school once again!  If I hadn't made that bold move on that Fall day in 1996, I would not have ever actually "met" my husband, Craig Stewart. Destiny is a funny thing, isn't it? Chance meetings and happenings that can change our whole world!
   Jessica fit nicely into his classroom, her friends were in there and she did very well. I did my usual "thing" of traveling on Fridays to the different classrooms and teaching children about Deaf people, sign language and the TTY machines that they used to use to communicate instead of a telephone. I also taught a Sign Language "club" after school on Fridays. I would teach the 4th and 5th graders who wanted to be in this club, some songs in ASL or "American Sign Language" and we would practice for most of the year and then put on a show for the parents and the school near the end of the year! It was so much fun and the kids were so excited to be involved in a "club" and to be learning something new and exciting. I even had special T-shirts made for the kids and they read "Eriksson Elementary School...Silent Impressions Sign Language Club".   Oh we had so much fun! I taught them Sign Language to: "Any Dream Will Do" from "Joseph" the Broadway play, "You've Got A Friend" from "Toy Story", "Colors of The Wind" from Disney's Pochahontas, and much more! I do have video's of those shows that we put on for the school and parents, but they are on VHS right now. I'm in the process of trying to copy some of the VHS to DVD and when I do that I will put up one of the shows to share with you here. Ok...so back to Craig and me...We got somewhat familiar with each other because he walked through that Gymnasium after school daily and on Fridays he'd see me with my 35 children doing Sign Language to music. Sometimes he would stand and watch for a few moments.
   Then one day all the children had gone home and I suppose Craig had been doing extra work after school. He walked through the gym a bit later as I was packing up my music etc. to go home with my two girls. We talked a bit until one of us said (neither one of us can remember who said it first! Neither will admit to being "the one" to initiate everything between us...LOL...it's become quite the joke now after all of these years!) "since both of our birthdays are in February, why don't we go out for a coffee or something to celebrate both of them together?" We said "YES"!!! We made our first date in or about March while Jessica was in his class, but we didn't tell anyone due to the "PTO moms" and the way gossip gets around like wildfire at the school. We wouldn't have wanted that for my children or for Craig, so we just met for dinner.
     I drove myself to the restaurant and he met me there. My parents watched my girls for me and said that I had to be home by 10pm on this,  a Saturday night..but beggars can't be choosers when it comes to babysitting offers and I did not have much money for those things.
     I pulled up to the parking lot in my car and Craig was standing outside of the retsaurant in Ann Arbor, Michigan called "Mediterrano". We had decided to meet there, have a nice quiet dinner and just talk, chit chat and see if we could become acquainted. Neither of us were looking for a "marriage partner" and we made sure to tell each other that first thing!
      I must say that when I drove up to the parking lot of the restaurant, he looked so very handsome.  He had a leather type of coat with brown collar and navy blue  and it sort of looked like a "Varsity jacket" but it was such a nice coat. He had on Kahki pants and "Dockers" shoes. His hair was jet black with a beard and moustache that just enhanced his already stunning looks and "prince-like" attributes. He met me at my car and walked me into the restaurant passing by the Hostess stand! I was worried when he said to the Hostess "We'll just seat ourselves, thanks"! Oh my gosh...did he just walk by her and tell her we'd seat ourselves? People don't do that, do they? Were we going to get in trouble ?? Could they kick us out? NOPE...he and the hostess had planned to shock me and make me feel aghast that he would be so forward!! It worked because for a moment there, I was  worried. Quickly, I laughed it off and thought of how romantic he was because at the little table that he had "picked" for us (as he'd arrived first just to do this for me) was a little "Happy Birthday" gift book with a big red bow on it! That was very thoughtful of him and I told him! His birthday was the 5th of the month and mine the 24th, and we were into March so I guess mine was closer so I didn't have to feel  guilty about not having one for him. Besides, I had no idea that he was going to do such a cute thing!
    I remember that night as if it was today. What we wore and what we ordered and the fun of talking with a real intelligent adult human being again! It was wonderful and the food was really delicious too! I had a chicken ka-bob on a bed of rice and I still remember how good it was to this day! Mostly it was probably the company that I was with that made everything so wonderful, that's what I'm thinking.
    We finished dinner and decided that we sort of liked being around each other and could tell that feelings were mutual so we darted off to a little coffee shop around the corner. We sat with our  Mochaccino and Chai latte'.  We talked the hours away in no time at all. It was suddenly almost 10pm and I HAD to get back because with my parents babysitting, I just knew I had to be on time or they would not be happy with me at all. I told Craig that I had to go due to the babysitting arrangements and he drove me back to my car.   I was thinking that I would just give him a little "peck" on the cheek because that is appropriate for a first date, right? Especially one where my daughters future is at stake !  She was still in class and we really should have waited until the Summer when school was out. But... we had only met for dinner and together decided that we'd just talk on the telly for a few months.  Since we had a good first date, we discussed going out on a date again in June, after Jessica was out of his class!
     Did I tell you that on the very first date, I was in his car when it was time to say "goodnight"?  I was just going to give him a "peck on the cheek".  Well, let me tell you this...THAT was the BEST first kiss that I've ever had in my whole entire life! I wasn't going to do it!  I was not going to kiss him like that! But something came over me and I just kissed him how I felt like kissing him!  He kissed me too!!  Then the sparks flew from that moment on !!! I honestly will NEVER forget that first kiss. If I had been standing up, it definitely would have been one of those "leg popping" kisses that you see in the movies~YES...I have gotten to actually experience that in my lifetime and I will never ever forget that kiss.
   I was so flustered about the wonderful kiss and my mind was reeling and somehow I missed the exit while driving home and ended up at the airport instead! I knew my parents were most likely calling the Police or something.  Not because they were particularly "worried" about me but because they needed the kids to be picked up so they could go to bed! ha ha...
    I ended up at the airport and missed my exit off of the highway. I didn't have a cell phone "way back then" so I had to just turn my car around and try to figure out my way back to my parents house. I had finally made it but was about 45 minutes late and they were pretty upset! My dad had gone through all of the "Stewart's" in the telephone book in the area, and called them all until he finally found Craig who picked up the phone to a man asking if he was "Mr Stewart"? (I was never so embarassed in my life!!) Craig then told my father to have me call him when I got home because then he was truly worried about me.  When I finally arrived at my parents home they were very glad to see me and hear about the date. I told them that I'd had a good time but couldn't talk much, right then, because we hadn't told the girls that I met Jessy's teacher for dinner. She may have been upset about it while she was still in his class. We decided to wait and  then to "date" after school got out!
    The first time my girls got into Craig's car so all of us could go out to dinner together, it was all very exciting. They couldn't stop repeating over and over,"Oh my gosh, I feel so cool! I'm in "Mr. Stewart's" car"...It was really cute! They were so happy and excited that I was going dating "Mr. Stewart". I was also very happy. Then we decided to meet his children!
    My favorite restaurant has always been 'Olga's Kitchen," so all of us decided to meet together for lunch on a Saturday. On the way to meeting him, my poor little Amy (who by the way, had on a white "cover alls" short outfit) got a bad nose bleed! She was bleeding all over her  "WHITE" outfit! OH NO!! What was I going to do now? I was driving anxiously looking for a fast food restaurant or gas station to get a rag and some cold water, quickly! We stopped at a Wendy's and I asked the employees for a rag.  I needed a wet and cold rag for my daughters bloody nose. You would have thought that I had asked them for something that they'd never heard of before! They finally came across some wet napkins and I took the girls to the restroom and tried to get Amy's nose to first stop bleeding and then get it off of her the best I could. She wasn't happy about the blood stains on her white outfit and since she was 8, I didn't bring extra clothing with me anymore!
    We arrived at Olga's in one piece and I gave Amy a sweater in the restaurant to help cover the blood stains! We walked up and I remember seeing him sit there with his handsome son, Ryan and his beautiful blonde daughter , Jenna who acted demure and a bit shy when she really isn't at all!  LOL...lol...
After that it seemed as though everyone got along pretty well and Jenna seemed to want me to be her best friend ! She invited me to come to her middle school and introduced me to her friends and teachers and when she got nail polish on the floor of her new bedroom, she was worried that her dad would be really mad and I helped her to clean it up and we decided it would just stay "our secret".  Later on, I did tell Craig about it but he and I both decided that it was good that she trusted me and asked me for help and we would just keep it "our little secret".
     The year after that we bought a house right down the street from the apartments where I had lived with my girls for almost 5 years, as a single parent. I didn't want them to be uprooted and move to another school and different friends because they'd just done that a few years earlier and they liked their school and friends. Craigs kids were older and had always gone to the same schools so they could choose to come with us and start anew or stay at their moms and go to the same school and see us on weekends etc.  Ryan chose to stay and live with us and go to school in Plymouth,MI as he was starting the 10th grade. Jenna was on "Flag" team and had alot of friends in middle school so she decided to live at her moms and come with us on the weekends. We had one extra room for Ryan and we built on another room for Jenna and we let her pick out the kind of walls she wanted, carpet and colors.  My girls got the rooms upstairs and each had their own room again, finally! They were excited and since they were younger, they had to be closer to us. It all seemed to work out great. We even went on a "family" vacation to Niagara Falls, CA and we had a great time except for a few little ideocincrisies!
    We were a family! We were in love and our kids got along well! How much more perfect does that get? Craig wanted to get married asap and I was a bit more sheepish about getting married right away. I teased him and said "If you set it up at the Wedding Chapel for Valentines day....I'll be there and we'll get married on my favorite day of the year (other than Christmas!)".  Guess what ??? He did it!! He set up a minister, I got a pretty red dress and shoes.  We ordered some flowers; red roses for me, corsage's for the girls and a lapel rose for Craig and his son.  My two daughters wore black velvet dresses and so did Craig's daughter.  My daughters walked me down the aisle arm in arm; one on each side of me, to the Paul Brandt song "I Do". As I walked up the aisle I saw my "prince" standing there in his suit with the red rose on his collar.  Standing on his side was both of his children looking as beautiful and handsome as my two little ones were. They were all four gleaming, gorgeous and seemed truly happy to be becoming a family of six! We had only our best man and matron of honor there as our witnesses. They were were Jessy's friends parents, and also they were our dear friends! We also invited two other families that we were very close to. We didn't tell our families because we didn't want to hear anyone complaining or trying to step in and do things or pay for things or not want to do anything, so we just left it to fate and we married then and explained later!  It was a beautiful little ceremony and before hand in the ladies restroom, we girls had a fun time primping and fixing our dresses and our hair etc. Our luncheon afterwards was at a restaurant called "Rose's" and it was perfect because this was Valentines day 1997 and I was wearing red and carried a bouquet of red roses! Everything was perfect and wonderful! Our matron, actually, of honor and her husband, the best man; watched my kids overnight so Craig and I could at least have a one night "honeymoon" at the Embassy Suites Hotel.  We walked around the nearby mall to walk a bit and he bought me a gold heart bracelet and matching ring as a wedding gift afterwards!! He is so sweet, kind, thoughtful and romantic...always a romantic and still to this day is that way!
     We went back to the wedding chapel on the way home the next day and took a few more pictures so we'd have some casual shots. Then we went to pick up the girls at our friends house, talked about the wedding a little and then proceeded to get things ready for the next day, which was a Sunday. We were having our parents over to tell them that we were "already married"! We had decided that when they walked into the apartment, we would start playing the song "Going to the Chapel...and We're Gonna get married"...as the parents entered! It didn't go very well. His mom was angry that she wasn't invited and so was his father. To this day they are still angry that they weren't invited to his 3rd wedding!! MY goodness, they got to see him get married two times already! We just didn't want anyone involved and wanted to plan it all ourselves. Our own ideas without any interference.  My mother on the other hand, said "Hey, cool...we don't have to pay for anything now or even buy a gift!" My dad did tear up a bit, I think it was due to the lack of control because something had been done "behind his back" and he didn't know about it ahead of time. He doesn't like that one bit! They did get us a nice gift though; and they were the only ones outside of our guests who actually gave us a wedding gift! They gave us a blanket "throw" for the couch that was embroidered with a little quote about "two lives together...." and our names "Craig & Suzanne Stewart 2-14-1997" . It is still on our couch to this day and is still the only wedding gift we ever received from any family members! 
      Oddly enough, we had to live apart for the first 6 months! Craig had a house to sell and I had an apartment that was leased until July 31st 1997! We bought a house just down the street from the apartments, where I had lived with my daughters for about four or five years! It was bought in March after we were married and then we couldn't move in until August 1997 due to the family that lived there needing to stay until that time and our families having the house to sell and the lease to keep. Now who ever does it that way these days??? Who ever gets married and lives apart for the first 6 months and then moves into a house together after that? ha ha ha...We did it backwards, but we're still here, still in love after 14 years of marriage!
     The best part is that we are truly, madly and deeply in love still after 14 years. We can finish one another's thoughts and we can feel what the other one is feeling. My heart aches when I know he's sad. I can only imagine how he must feel when he see's me in my worst pain of the RSD.
       So...move up time to today, February 22, 2011. Who would have thought we would have gone through all that we've gone through? I guess no one ever thinks like that but still.....I never thought we'd go through so much loss and grieving; but still our love grows stronger each day. I think it's because our personalities compliment each other. I usually know what to NOT say and when to NOT say it; while also knowing that I can pretty much talk about anything with Craig.  He is the most understanding, caring, kind, loving non-abusive person that I've ever had the pleasure to live with and share my life with. 
     Somehow I think Destiny put us together by Jessy getting put into his class that year. Both of my girls adored him and Amy still sees him as the only true "father" figure she's ever known. I see him as the only real "MAN" that I've ever truly loved and connected with in the same earthly and spiritual connection. I hope and pray that we have many more years and decades together because he told me that he is going to "live to be 105 yrs old"! I tell him the same thing that Christopher Robin said to Pooh bear: "If you live to be 100 years old, then I want to live to be 100 minus one; so I will never have to live a day without you"!  That, my friends is where this story ends for today...but each new day is a story in and of itself.  I will continue to keep hope and love alive in my heart and do my best to portray that in my daily life.           
    In my life there has been so much abuse, hurt, pain, loss and sadness.  In my heart and into the depths of my soul there is sadness and grief about some things and circumstances that I truly am unable to change.  But with my "Prince", my husband, my Craig at my side; all things can become tolerable and life can be good again.  It may not have turned out the way I had hoped it would with my own family and my oldest daughter. But my life isn't over yet and forever is a long time. I will stand side by side with my loving husband, my best friend and together we will live life and try to continue to get through the hard times and still find a way to have fun and live life while we wait side by side and hand in hand for "LIFE" to just keep happening for us and with us. 
See you soon!
Suzanne

Craig and me at Christmas time in the evening after the "party"


the two of us at a church function "all dressed up".... :) <3


New Years Eve 2009, all dressed up and "dancing" til the ball "dropped"!

Having fun after eating dinner out with our Friends from Scotland!


The Love & Prince of my Life and me, Suzanne B. Stewart (2009)

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Poem From Jessica....In High School!


THIS IS A POEM JESSY WROTE FOR ME IN H.S.

The poem Jessy wrote for me when she was in High School
*the people she's talking about that are "mean" to me are my
parents/brothers/family..Just FYI

My Very First Baby....Jessica Lauren



Momma watching Jessy at her swim meet
and Momma was in a wheelchair watching through glass!

My last picture of me and my 2 Daughters: Left is Jessica, Right is Amy <3


The 4 of us went to Disney world and the 3 of us girls were petting the pig!


I remember it as if it was yesterday....It was 1985 and I had recently had a miscarriage and a few months earlier. Some time had gone by and now I felt "different". I took a pregnancy home test and it was "positive". I was so happy and excited!! What raced through my mind next was that my ex had quit his "sheriff deputy" job to go into business with his father; therefore we didn't have any health insurance. But I was still excited to tell him and I knew that together we could figure it all out.
     I told him that I was pregnant and he was furious with me. He told me that he was taking me to "Planned Parenthood" to take a "real" pregnancy test. He took me there and they said, indeed I was pregnant. He told me that I had to get an abortion because we could have more children later and we had no medical insurance. The planned parenthood people had us watch a movie called "The Silent Scream". It was showing an abortion and I sat there in horror wondering "WHY WAS I SITTING THERE?"
    I told my ex that I was "having my baby" and "we were married and I wasn't "murdering our baby". I told him that I would "have the baby on my own and figure it all out and I would just leave him. He called my father and they BOTH sat me down at our dining room table and told me that I "needed" to have an abortion because we had no medical insurance!  I told him to get his old job back BEFORE I needed to go for a first OB/Gyn Dr. visit and then we'd have insurance and all would be good.
    My dad wrote letters to his old boss and my ex went back and begged for his old job in the jail back. They finally relented and gave him his old job back as a Sheriff's deputy working down in the jail cell blocks. After he was there a good month, I went to the Dr. and got a positive pregnancy test and then went on from there to go through my first real pregnancy and birth. I was excited, elated and he became that way too, once everything was figured out. We were going to be parents! I had waited all of my life for this little person to love and care for and to be my little dear one.
    It was May 21st 1986 and I went into labor the night before my scheduled C-section. We waited and watched the monitor all night until the morning when it was finally my time to have my baby. I didn't know yet if I was having a little boy or a little girl. I didn't want to know. We wanted to be surprised!. We had a little girl, Jessica Lauren at 7:17am on the 22nd of May, a Thursday morning! I loved her even before she was ever born. She was the "apple of my eye" before I even knew if she was a boy or a girl. I was fighting for her and protecting her life and being a "mama bear" from the moment that maternal instinct checked "in". I had always wanted to be a mommy and I don't think there's anything I've ever wanted more.
     I was very ill the first 15 weeks of my pregnancy. I was in and out of the hospital with "hyper-emesis" which meant that I could not stop vomiting. I could not hold down food or drinks and I was losing weight. My Ob/Gyn would put me into the hospital and give me IV's of fluid and then I would get a bit better but I had to pretty much lay on the couch with saltines and ginger ale next to me with a bucket for 3 1/2 months~!~
    One week before my baby daughter, my first born baby girl was born...I was sitting in our wooden rocker and my stomach just looked like it went rolling waaay up and then back down it seemed as though something happened in there!  It was as if the baby had turned all the way around inside of me.  I didn't think the baby was moving quite like before and I was 8 1/2 mos pregnant. So we went directly to see the Ob/Gyn Dr.
     They did an Ultra sound and said the baby had totally turned upside down! They guessed it weighed about 8 lbs and it couldn't turn back around, therefore our new little one was positioned "breech" or "butt first" and I was immediately scheduled for a C-section! What a surprise! That's not how it was supposed to be?  I wanted to do it normal and once again in my life...I had to do something the "more difficult way"...I did go into labor 10 hours prior to my scheduled time and they had me wait those hours in the Labor/Delivery until my scheduled time due to the fact that there were twins being born in an emergent situation. I didn't mind at all because my baby and I were fine and I wasn't in too much pain at all.
    At 7:17am on Thursday, May 22, 1986 my "sunshine girl", "Jessica Lauren" was born at 8 lbs 12 1/2 oz's and 21 1/2 inches long! I had known since I was about 10yrs old that if I ever had a girl, I KNEW her name was going to be "Jessica Lauren"!! I thought that was the most beautiful name ever! My ex was fine with it though he had a few different ideas, my idea won because I had wanted it since I was 10 yrs old!!
    She was the most beautiful baby with dark eyes and black thick hair and an olive complexion. She had a hint of red to her skin due to an over abundance of iron in her blood. She and I got split up right away and that made me very sad. She was put into the NICU for a few days due to a high Billirubin, high iron counts and a urinary tract infection!  I didn't get to nurse her because it was too hard to start with her being down in the NICU and my having just had a major surgery. We ended up going home without Jessica and it was sad but we also knew that the next day or so we'd have her all to ourselves and be at home with her. She was going to be fine!
     Then I got ill the day we brought her home! We went to the Dr's office and they put me right back into the hospital! My ex had to be a new "dad"  for the first night sort of "half alone" because I ended up with "after birth Toxemia". I was very ill and my blood pressure was over the 200's on top and over 100's on the bottom number and I was a sick "greenish" color. I couldn't hold anything down and had to stay a couple of days and night in the hospital! Luckily, they let he and Jessica "room in" with me and stay the days and nights in my room so we could be a family, even if I was a bit greenish in color! LOL 
     It wasn't a great start but we made up for it when we arrived at home. She was the littlest "princess" ever there was! I loved her, rocked her, sang to her, read to her and cuddled and loved her very very much. She was my precious angel and gift from God above! I had never experienced a feeling of love like I had for that little baby that I had just given birth to.  We would say "goodbye" to daddy every night at 11:00pm and he would go to work the midnight shift. While my little Jessica and I sat in the rocker having a bottle and rocking until she fell fast asleep in my arms. I loved those nights and I loved standing at her crib watching her sleep; this little "miracle" that we made. 
     Then the "honeymoon period" was over and she became very colicky and cried the first 3 mos every night from 7pm-11pm and I didnt know what to do? The Pediatrician that we got was retiring so we went back to our family Dr and he suggested  "Mylacon" baby drops and it really helped alot! Voila'!!! It was GAS!! Can you even believe that?  Either gas or it just took 3 months to get her over whatever it was that was making her colicky. But I rocked her, fed her, hugged her, kissed her, held her and loved her to pieces! I gave her a cloth diaper and we called it a "lovey" and she had a pacifier that we called her "binky". She was an absolute doll baby after I did finally what my mom told me to do! LOL....I stopped listening to all of the Dr's and I poked a bigger hole in the nipple of her baby bottle and I put one teaspoon of baby rice cereal in her last bottle before bedtime and it made her "full" until morning! YAYAY! It worked and helped and we never had any trouble again. ....until......the constant ear infections for first 2 1/2 years of her life! The poor baby was always having a fever and ear infection and on antibiotics.
   At age 2 1/2, my little Jessy-belle had to have her adenoids out and tubes in both of her ears. I was about 8 mos pregnant with Amy when we did this surgery and it was a hard day. I held Jessy all day and rocked her and carried her and I was huge and tired and big and very pregnant! But she was my life, my baby and I was gonna do everything she needed me to do and wanted me to do...
    After the surgery she was a much happier girl and never had another ear infection again!! Praise God for that ! She and I did everything together! Everyone called her the "traveling baby"! She went everywhere with me and I read to her, sang to her and carried her everywhere I went. She always had a bow in her hair and a little "pebbles pony tail" in the top of her hair...lol ...she was one of the little cutest babies wearing baby bonnets with bows and frilly dresses and she was like my little "baby doll" and if ever I could, we would wear the same things or at least the same colors etc.
    I sang to Jessica every night ! I sang "You Are My Sunshine", "Edelweiss", "Mockingbird" and "Dear Old Daddies Beard"! Also we would always read at least two stories. When her baby sister, Amy came along, I bought a baby doll for HER to "take care of" too. When I came home from the hospital after having Amy (my youngest daughter), I had it all planned to give Jessica that baby doll so we could "take care of our babies together. I had bought also a book called "Baby Dear" and that became her favorite book ever! To this day we have that book in our collection of the favorite books that we saved from the girls childhoods. I hate to say it but my father messed that plan up for me and it wasn't the first or the last time! He gave Jessica that baby doll BEFORE we got  home from the hospital with her baby sister! I was so upset because it was supposed to be special for "us" to give her that baby doll and that book. My dad took that away from her and us by just giving her the doll to be the "good guy" in Jessica's eyes, I suppose! I was very upset and still think of it now as something I missed getting to share with my Jessica!
     My dearest sweet little baby, Jessica was alone with me for 2 1/2 years until her baby sister came along. She was potty trained at a couple of months before she was 2 yrs old. Jessy talked at 6 months of age too!! I promise you that she could say "one word" at a time at 6 months old. She said "hi" to the baby on the wall, which was a picture of her! She said "mama" and "dada" and "bapa"(for Papa-my dad) and "nuna" (for my mom). She was and is so smart and so beautiful.
     She became troubled when the divorce happened and a bit before that too. I didn't want to see it or believe it and I wish I had! At age 2 she "took" an ornament from a display at Sears Roebuck & Co. and stuck it into her knee socks! She had to have known it was wrong or else I don't think she would have "hidden it" in her socks! I saw it and told her that it was wrong and then we had the security guard in the store talk to her and tell her that it is "bad" to take things without paying for them. 
    Then again when Amy was 9 months old and I was at work (part time as a waitress); I got a phone call from my ex. He told me to meet him at the E.R...I left my work and met him there with the 2 girls. Amy had "fallen down the stairs and hit her head on the oak banister on the way down. She was only 9 months old! My ex was taking a shower and he had told our 2 1/2 year old, Jessica to "watch her little sister"so he could shower. WHAT??? Who has a 2 yr old "watch" a 9 month old? OK....Nuf said!
   At the hospital, Jessica said to me "Momma I have to tell you something". So I told her that she could always tell me anything. She proceeded to tell me " I pushed Amy down the stairs". I was so shocked and I said "why would you push our/your baby sister down the stairs?" She told me "I didn't want her on MY stairs"! We had a long talk, discussion and I told my ex that he should NEVER leave a toddler to watch a baby and we told Jessica that she is a big sister and she needed to watch over her baby sister and be a "good big sister".
    Well, it seems there were a few things I should have noticed early on, but I just didn't allow myself to think anything could be wrong with our little family of four! I must share with you one of my favorite Christmas memories. It was when Jessica was 3 yrs old and she ran from her bed about 6:30 am on Christmas morning. We were laying awake in our bed waiting for her to wake up. She tippy toed down the hallway and to the top of the stairs and then she let out a very loud shriek "aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh" ..and then she said "He came, He came!!" She was talking about Santa Claus! It was one of my favorite Christmas mornings from her childhood.
      My "Jessy-belle" was my life, my "sunshine girl" as those was the nicknames that I had given her very early and they stuck throughout her life. She was a good student and well liked by her teachers. Jessica always wanted to please and tried hard at the things she really enjoyed doing. She even won first prize in elementary school, 5th grade, for a drawing of Santa Claus! They took her picture standing next to her drawing and gave her some sort of prize. We were all so elated and excited for her! She was almost always well behaved and listened to me when I told her what to do. She was every mother's dream for a little girl! Then Amy came along and I had "two dreams" for little girls! 
     As time went by we were always involved in things together. We were in the Y.M.C.A. "Indian Guides" program. We went on campouts, hayrides and participated in the "Pine car derby races" each year. I even made us 3 girls, matching "indian princess" t-shirts to wear to our bi-weekly meetings. At those meetings we made a craft and ate snacks and took turns with a "talking stick" to give each child a chance to tell a story! We had so much fun being involved in that and it gave us alot of "quality time" because I felt bad that I had to work full time, so this was "our time" together; it was special!  We also did crafts at home together, like making little "rock people". I had a craft box and they would find a rock outside and we'd clean it and polish it up. Then we would paint them, put faces, hair and whatever else they chose onto their "rock person" and then we displayed them proudly in my curio cabinent, where they still sit today! There are so many good memories of Jessy and me doing things together! We loved to go shopping and out to our favorite restaurant, "Olga's Kitchen". Jessy was so cute because she'd always put the olives (which she called "salad grapes") one on each finger and eat them that way...off of her fingers! It was precious! Jessy was the "social butterfly" and always wanted her friends to sleep over night at our house or apartment. I always said "yes" unless there was a reason to say "no" and there rarely was a reason to say "no" to the kids having fun! I made popcorn and we watched movies. Our favorite sleepover movie was called "Drop Dead Fred"..LOL. It was or is a very cute movie and everyone laughed and laughed. To this day we still have that movie in with our collection and I hope to watch it with my grandkids someday!
   I remarried when Jessica was 11yrs old! She totally 100 % agreed with the marriage to her former 4th grade teacher, "Mr. Stewart". She loved him and he thought the world of both of my girls! Both of the girls wore pretty dresses and flowers as they both walked me down the aisle to marry my soul-mate, Craig Stewart. We started out with a wonderful life. We did many things together and I went to part time work so that I could do more things with the girls and be there for them more. I was really pleased to be able to be a "mom" more often instead of working more often! 
    On Jessica's 11th birthday we took her and 3 of her very best friends: Rachel, Sarah and Lacey; to the Bavarian Inn Lodge in Frankenmuth, MI. We danced, had cake and ice cream, did Karaoke on a stage;along with some sign language to some of the songs they knew from the sign language club. It was a club or class that I did after school and at their school on Fridays for four years steady. We put candles onto the brownies that I baked for Jessica (she didn't ever like cake) and we sang "Happy Birthday" to her and we continued to stay and dance "the train" and the "Macarena" with many other kids and grown ups to celebrate her birthday with us! Amy also got to bring a couple of friends and then when it was her birthday that year, we let her bring 3 friends and Jessy brought only 2. It was so much fun and worked out great! The kids and I had a ball and we even took them swimming and they never wanted to get out of the pools! There were or are 5 pools in that Hotel and each one is a bit different. They loved the water slides and water falls etc. They enjoyed staying up late and the next day walking around the little German town.
   There were many wonderful memories that we made. Jessica was spoiled and loved and always put first before the grown ups, that's for sure! In our home, the kids came first and then the grown ups! We took them on trips to the Niagara Falls, Mackinaw Island up in Northern Michigan. We went to Traverse City and to Disney world twice and to Disney Land in CA one time too! The second trip to Disney World in Florida was really great because they were a bit older and could experience things and remember better. That year the Animal Kingdom at Disney had just opened. We went there and it was spectacular! Jessica has always loved animals and she was in awe of the Rhino's crossing in front of our "car/jeep" and the giraffes off to the close distance; it was awesome! I always say that she was more excited about getting her souvenir than she was about actually being there and seeing the signts!! She was excited to ride the big girl rides with Craig because I was too afraid and am definitely NOT the "ride" person. Craig and Jessica went on "Space Mountain" and loved it! They all went on the railroad and the one called "Splash Mountain"!! I would stand off to the side or front of the ride and get the pictures of them coming down the hill or whatever the exciting part was to be! I did go on some of the fun rides and smaller rides, just not the scary and dark ones !! Of course we had a few little "spats" as families do but there was nothing more than a bit of loudness and then it was over...no berating or degrading words ever said and absolutely no hitting ever! Just a few spats when people were hungry, tired or passing gas in the car right after we'd been stopped for lunch 1/2 hour or so..LOL...it's just that's when it seemed to happen and it got a little "old" after awhile! The girls got a bit upset and Craig got a bit cranky about it but I tried to keep the family happy, excited and on the right track! To keep their minds on the fact that we were on vacation and having a wonderful time! We even stopped in the Great Smokey Mountains of TN! We went into some old houses up in the hills and even saw an old man playing his banjo outside of his families "old" homestead, up in the hills! The first night we arrived in TN at Pigeon Forge, there were older men and woman doing the "two step" outside in a parking lot! Everyone was clapping and singing and stomping their feet! The girls joined in and we all joined in and had a great first night there too! Oh the good times that we had! I savor the memories...
    Sadly, she left home at age 18 and right after her HS graduation. She lied to her friends and their parents about me/us. She was never "nice" to me since the car accident that was in 2002 where I got multiple injuries because a man ran through a red light. Luckily neither of the girls were in the car. But after being in the hospital for almost a week and still in horrible intractable pain,I came home to my husband and 2 daughters ages 16 and 14 , a little bit different due to the pain issues. I still never missed a swim meet or anything important for either of my girls. I went in a wheelchair and in a whole lot of pain. I smiled and waved and called their names even though I was dying inside from the amount of nerve pain I was in. The Dr's  hadn't quite figured out all that was wrong with me yet and I was still trying to be the very best mother I could be.
    Jessy for some reason, told Amy that they should "be afraid" of me when I came home from the hospital. I couldn't even go to the bathroom myself, I needed help buttoning,unbuttoning and zipping my clothes. They didn't want to help because they were "afraid" of me and the way I looked because of the extreme Pain I was experiencing; like nothing ever before in my life! My whole body ached,burned, hurt and had many different and new pain sensations that I didn't even know existed. 
   That hurt me to the core of my being when I found out. Jessy told Amy they should "sleep together in the same room that first night that I was home", because they were "afraid" of me. How sad that is. ..Most children, I would think 16 year olds especially, would be helpful to their injured mother and love her and feel at least a little sad that she got hurt so badly.
       Jessy's and my relationship started deteriorating when I caught her doing things totally 100% against our rules and morals in our family at age 15yrs. I had heard about similar things when she was only 13yrs old but I ignored the signs and just would NOT believe that "MY" little girl would or could behave in that manner. I did my best to be the very best mother possible. 
     When the teenage trouble started and I found out the "behaviors" she was doing and "into";I took her to the "Growth Works" . It is a place to go and talk to counselors for and about "teens in trouble". It was a family/youth counseling center. 
    I also took her and Amy to the domestic violence shelter to talk to the counselors there about the abuse that they witnessed in our home while growing up. It had to be awful for them as children during those hard times. Jessica actually watched her father doing things to hurt me and endanger our lives; right in our own home. 
    I was so worried about Jessy especially because Amy was only three yrs old and didn't seem to really understand what was going on. Jessy on the other hand, was devastated by the loss and change in her life and routines. I decided to sign the girls up into the Catholic Social Services classes for "Children going through Divorce". The Child and Family services people also did hours and hours of interviews alone with the girls, Then alone with me and then with their father and his girlfriend etc. They sided with me, the "mother" and said that their father could only have "supervised visitation" and only "within the state of Michigan". He was angry and  moved 1,000 miles away and didn't see them growing up much at all.
    I tried my best to include him, invite him and send him pictures, report cards and anything important. I took the girls to see his parents monthly as long as the girls wanted to go. I did everything I could to make life good for my Jessybelle (Amy "Joy" too, of course..but this story is about Jessica).
      Well, somehow, somewhere ..something went wrong! Jessy left at age 18 and has been estranged from me/us ever since that time: (it has been 7 yrs so far). I started sending cards the first 3 years and they just said "I love you" in them...and "I miss you". I got no replies or responses so after 3 years I decided to give it a break. Then one day a year or so later, I text messaged her and just said "I love you and I'm thinking of you". She texted me back and asked me to meet her at her place of employment, the Hair Salon.  She walked outside in mid-November and proceeded to talk to me in the freezing cold weather, outside. She never invited me inside where it was warm to try and talk a little bit privately. I did get a slight tear in her eye and a small hug. I hugged her and cried like a baby! We talked and mostly she spoke of her father and his kids and what she was doing with them and with Dale. I only told her that I "didn't want to hear about her father and his new family" but I did tell her that "I want to hear more about her and what she was doing in life at that time. She hurriedly decided it was time to go back into work and we set plans to meet for lunch one day in the near future. We did do that lunch but it didn't go as well as I had hoped it would.
   I left those lunch meetings with a bad feeling in my gut. My instinct told me that she didn't love me like she once had. She took the car accident and my injuries "personally". She thought I was a different "me" after that. But I was still "me" inside and not brain damaged and definitely not crazy! I was brain "injured" and acquired an "MTBI" from the car accident... but other than pain, nerve pain etc., I  would only "forget" new information. If we kept track of it and wrote it down, I was fine with something concrete to look at.  
    She then started hanging out always with her friend, Kim and/or Brittany. Increasingly she wanted to sleepover at their houses instead of ours. That really bothered and hurt me because we would get Pizza for the kids or Chinese food and give them the family room to play cards or the kitchen table. She just brought them around less and less and wanted to be gone more often and more often. I eventually found out why she didn't want to bring the friends over to our home. It was because we have rules in our family and home. They are "Normal" rules that any "normal" family would insist upon.  But she and her friends and boyfriends wanted to be wherever they could have less adult supervision and then she would lie to me and tell me she was one place and really go someplace else to sleep over.
    She married the bouncer, football player High school boyfriend that she dated since she was 17. She didnt invite me or Amy or Craig to her wedding. I raised her pretty much on my own. Her dad was not there for her emotionally or physically. I was always there for her. Even after she'd been "caught" doing something that broke the rules and the trust horribly, in our home; she still kept doing things to get into trouble. Then the things I heard from other grown ups, people who knew us and had known us for a long time, made my stomach turn! I just heard lie after lie about many different things that I supposedly did or didn't do enough of for her. 
   One memory from her HS years that sticks out for me is when she mentioned that she really wanted this "black winter coat" just like her bff's coat! A few days later she and Amy came home to two huge wrapped boxes (for no real reason except out of love and to see them happy) on the kitchen table, right at their "spot". They were all excited and opened the boxes and they'd each gotten a new winter coat! They'd each chosen one that they just "had to have" but we really didn't have the money when we were looking at them. But then I went back and bought them "just because"! The smiles on their faces were priceless and precious and it seemed like everyone was happy for a little while.
    We won't get into any more "hurt", on here because I wanted this to be loving, kind and just share my short version of my "Jessy" story and  how much I miss her, love her and always will... for all the days of my life!
    There's been so much hurt and wrong doing and so much that I could never have ever imagined would ever happen between us. I cry and I cannot believe it...still to this day....7 years later. She invited my father/brothers and her father and his parents to her wedding. All of my "abusers" went to her wedding but the mother who has always loved her and never stopped loving her no matter what!! Never ever have I stopped loving my Jessybelle.  Jessica, Amy and Craig mean more to me than anything or anyone else all in the whole world! I just think about it at times and wonder if she remembers who cared for her, was there for her always through thick and thin and who tried to always make her happy?!  Well, I didn't even get told or asked about her 2009 October wedding. I wasn't included in anything; nor was Amy.
   I cannot even believe that this boy's mother allowed this to happen and even "egged her on". Amy had been there once before she found out how "bad" they were wanting to hurt me, her momma. She ran out of their house crying and saying "How can you talk about our mom that way? She is only one who ever loved us and was there for us always?"... 
     No matter what...I will always love my Jessica Lauren. I pray every day for reconciliation between us. I am hurt to the core of my soul at all of the lies and most of all for not being involved in her wedding. It is part of every mother's dream. After you do all of the "hard work" of raising your daughter/child; from night feedings to diaper changes and potty training to pre-school. Then from Kindergarten,to middle and High school with me picking up her forgotten homework, dropping it off at her school and then having to drive back to work again 25 miles each way!!! All of this I did because of love! My love for her was always immeasurable. Even after I was in horrible pain from the car accident injuries and in a wheelchair; I still went to her swim meets and clapped for her, yelled out her name and waved to her !!! I was the only person /parent in the audience 99% of the time. Even if I had to leave work and go back afterwards, I still made sure my girl(s) had what she(or they) needed for her school work, grades and to be happy...

Baby Jessica Lauren 3 weeks old
        Well, enough said now...for today....I will always love my Jessica Lauren for as long as I shall live. I remember taking a letter that she wrote (Amy had written one also) to "GOD" and I told them I would take it to the post office. Then I read the letters and kept them in my "special box" . They said "Dear God, Please don't ever take my momma away. She's the specialist momma in the world and we love her and she's so nice and beautiful and she always turns the other cheek"....LOL.... I know sometime ago she truly loved me and somewhere inside of her it has to be there still...maybe a spark...maybe anything.??? I hope... I hope she finds that spark again some day and comes back to me in her heart. I will always open my arms and my heart for her. Here are a few pictures of the memories in my head and in my heart of my Jessica Lauren.



Jessica Lauren on her Wedding Day...but I was not there because I did not know & was not invited :(

me and my girls in the YMCA "Indian Guides Programs"


Momma and Jessy at a Halloween party 4th grade!



Saturday, February 12, 2011

Day #2 : ..And Amy makes "3"....My Sweet Pea!!!

My Daughter Amy and "me" /Mommy
My Daughter and Me
Momma & Amy Goofing off for the camera!
Momma & Amy on another Shopping Trip Having a blast!
Momma and Daughter Time in AZ
Amy & Momma soaking up the sunshine in Scottsdale, AZ
Mother & Daughter sharing a soda together
Momma & Amy sharing a soda & special moments together
This is Camel Back Mtn. In Phoenix AZ
Camel Back MTN. in Phoenix ,AZ
Dear Blogee's....
Remember That Song "You're The Love Of My Life"? Well, it was Written just for me and how I feel about my daughter, Amy....and The Story Goes Like This:
OH the fun we have had !!! The days we have shared together!!! The love and friendship that we feel inside….My daughter,Amy and I have a very special relationship!  She is my daughter, I am her mother first and foremost; but we are also best friends.
  It all started when she was born, I believe we bonded in a very different and wonderful way.  the 43 hours of labor and the C-section weren’t such a “bonding experience” LOL but afterwards, we had 5 whole days together; “rooming in” , they called it.  Just her and I all alone and together in the same room and the same bed for the most part; cuddling and cajoling and snuggling for 5 days that I would remember for the rest of my life as some of the most special, comforting , fun, love-felt,  super fabulous days of my life!
   Then I brought Amy home and she was a wonderful baby,child, adolescent and now young woman!! I have so many great memories and many more to come, I pray. I can only hope that Amy has these memories or her own great ones from her favorite experiences. Since the day I brought her home from the hospital and through her graduation from the University with High honors and all through her Scottish Highland dancing days; we’ve had some wonderful experiences together that will keep me smiling and keep my heart full for the rest of my life.
    One time in about the year 2006, Amy and I went to Arizona alone; just the two of us. We had such a fun time staying in our own hotel room, going down to the pool and hot tub ourselves and having “virgin” pina coloda’s brought to us at the pool! Ahhhh the dayz ….those HOT Summer-y days in Scottsdale just my daughter and me. We even found our favourite song that we now call “our song” because whenever we hear it or heard it , we would dance and sing in our hotel room to our hearts content!! (*I did what I could do as far as moving goes but she never seemed to mind!! I did my best and never cared if it hurt afterwards because it was so waaaay worth it!!). The song is “Dancing in the Moonlight” and If I could show you the “video memory” in my mind, I would show you the love of a mom and daughter dancing together, laughing together, singing together to the music of a fun song and just having a great time being in each other’s company!
   Oh the fun we have had together shopping and going on vacations and even just being home together or having a lunch out someplace or even just going to our special “Sweet Afton’s” tea room. We do it all and have great fun and more wonderful memories made each time! I can always look back on my times spent with Amy as some of the best and most beautiful memories in my life. Even as a baby she was so sweet and adorable….she always wanted to have me near her. I had to buy a “snugli” sac to put on the front of my body so I could vacuum the house with her attached to me, otherwise she would cry and scream if I wasn’t near her or she couldn’t see me. I would never have gotten anything done!!  Ha Ha…so I went with it and got the “snugli” sac and lo and behold we were both happy and I could still get my housework done!
   When she was a little girl people would stop me and tell me “oh She is such a pretty little girl”, “Oh what an adorable child you have” , or “Oh my gosh you should get her into modelling, she is just precious”.  Well, she was and is “Amy” and she would “steal the hearts” of many and still does to this day! I’ve figured out why she does this and how she does it….it’s because not only is she a beautiful young woman on the outside, but her insides is filled with beauty, awe,love, inspiration, thirst for knowledge and a special caring attitude that just “touches” everyone that gets to know her.
   Amy is my “Amy Joy” and my “Sweet Pea”, just a few of the nicknames that I’ve given her over the years. To her, I am “Mommy” , “Momma”, ‘Mom” and when we are having  fun or being silly then I am “sh-Mommy”  and now since she’s gotten her baby birdie “Matilda”, she calls me “Gammy”….ha ha….Lord above, I’m a “grandma” to a bird now! Who would’ve ever thought that a Parrot would have been my first “grandchild”! LOL…but she is precious too. The two of them together have a bond like I’ve never seen before and it is growing each day. Matilda will just sit on Amy’s body and especially if she is wearing a “hoodie” and she will hold the “tie/laces” for the Hoodie in her mouth and just lie there for an hour and be petted. She’ll make little “meow” sounds and we  know for sure that Matilda is content. Amy needed that bird! She needed that “bond”…she’s had so many losses in her life and I cannot fill all of those “holes” and I’m so happy that she has this new bond and friendship with Matilda.
    I know that some of my happiest memories are of being with Amy and going places such as : the mall, or out to eat, a movie, the tea room, and most of all our trip to Arizona! We really bonded during that trip and for the rest of my life I will have those memories and I hope that we make many more! I remember our trips together with Craig too, and how much fun we have had and the wonderful memories made then also. Amy and I would lay on rafts in the pool in Arizona (like in the picture above) and Craig would be sitting under an umbrella reading his book with great enthusiasm. He enjoyed being able to sit out in his swimsuit, in the hot Arizona sun and under the shade of a Palm tree while reading and watching us “play” in the water ;  while we drank our frozen “virgin” daquari or colada’s!!
      This story was going to be just about Amy and me. I have more stories later about the three of us and just Craig and I. But I have to say that we are very close and we can have a “tiff” and 5 minutes later it is gone…just like that! POOF! We get along marvelously and I am so happy to have them in my life. I wouldn’t trade either one of them for anything in the world! They give me strength and love and a feeling of being able to keep going on when my physical pain gets to be too much some days! We are here for each other, love each other and we take care of each other! That’s what a family does and this is the first time I’ve ever felt what “family” really is all about.  Though, I must say…when my 2 girls were smaller /younger, when I was a single mom and it was just the 3 of us. I also felt a huge sense of “family” and love and “togetherness”; like nothing in the world could ever tear apart that bond we had.  That story is for another day. This story of a mother and daughter and their favorite times together, this is for today! I love you Amy “Joy”, Amy Burnett; you are the “apple of my eye”.  You are my “Joy” on a somber day , that may be filled with pain; when everything’s feels like it’s going wrong.  I just think of you or you give me a smile or a look or sometimes you might just say something really cute and/or funny and it let’s me know that my life is not over because of pain or loss or feeling sad sometimes. I have a future with YOU and Craig and whoever comes our way that chooses to love us and be kind and loving…that is what we want and need in our lives…kindess and goodness.  My Amy “Joy”….she is the epitomy of  specialness, lovlieness and all that is wonderful and good in my world! I love you my Daughter, my Amy “Joy”, my “Sweet Pea”…the best daughter and best friend I could ever have in this world that is sometimes so hard and harsh.  Life can be hard to take and it is difficult to think ahead when I am in so much physical or mental pain..but on those days…those hard days when I  feel like giving up; I look at these pictures and I remember these memories and think of the memories we have yet to make…..and it get’s me through the day!! I love you Amy! Thank you for being my daughter and best friend! xoxoxo love, Momma, Mommy, SH-mommy xo
Thank you Blog-ees and friends for reading!!!

Mommy and Amy (6mos) <3

mommy loving on her "sweet pea"...Amy 7mos old!

Mommy & Amy at their 1st "quiet time" alone @ hospital right after birth


Mommy and Amy B (18 mos)




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Be Aware and Be Supportive!!!!


glitter-graphics.com PLEASE BE AWARE AND SUPPORTIVE OF PEOPLE THAT ARE GOING THROUGH SUCH HARDSHIP IN THEIR LIFE, SUCH AS CANCER! YOU CAN GO TO WWW.CHEMOANGELS.COM AND BECOME A "CHEMO-ANGEL" LIKE ME!! YOU'D SEND SMALL GIFTS AND/OR CARDS, NOTES, LETTERS AFTER BEING "ASSIGNED TO A BUDDY" WHO IS GOING THROUGH CHEMO-TREATMENTS. CHEER UP SOMEONE'S DAY BECAUSE THEIR DAYS REALLY STINK! GIVE THEM A SMILE AND A CHEER OF HOPE!! YOU MAY ALSO WANT TO VISIT MY WEBSITE : WWW.FREEWEBS.COM/JEWERLYMKR AND VISIT THE "SUPPORT/AWARENESS" PAGES OF JEWELRY THAT I'VE DESIGNED AND CREATED FOR YOU TO WEAR OR TO BUY FOR SOMEONE THAT YOU LOVE AND/OR CARE ABOUT WHO IS GOING THROUGH CHEMO.

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